On Being Kind to Yourself
by Michael Neill
Where is the line between loving acceptance and overindulgence - in other words, how do you know when you need a hug as opposed to a kick up the butt?
I’ve been in and out of bed this week with a miserable summer cold, replete with fevers, chills, and enough tissues to keep the Kleenex Company in business for years to come. Each day, I have eavesdropped on the same debate in my head - do I push through my symptoms (it’s all in the mind, you know!) and trust that I’ll be fine, or do I listen to my symptoms, take it easy, and allow my body the time, space, and energy to heal?
My sense is that it is cultural, at least amongst us men folk, to see "being kind to ourselves" as roughly akin to dressing up in women’s clothing and calling ourselves ‘Nancy’. In fact, I remember an episode of a TV show I was in where the Welsh barman told my character that he wasn’t going to be kind to himself because he was "a real man - broken and destroyed, but a real man nonetheless!"
This weekend, I decided to see what would happen if I went all the way with being kind to myself. Every time I was debating as to whether or not to do something, I asked myself "if I was being kind to myself, what would I choose to do?" My fear was that I would wind up doing nothing, and that my entire life would fall apart from inactivity, inertia, and atrophy. (Technically, this would probably take longer than a weekend, but I wasn’t really thinking straight!).
What actually happened was this:
1. I taught a teleclass, performed in a sketch comedy show, helped my wife clear up the garden, set up the new sprinkler system, went for a walk with my kids, watched the football, napped frequently, and worked on my website.
2. I ignored most incoming. What I have discovered in those moments where I allowed myself to "be kind to myself" is that rather than it leading to my overindulging myself, it usually led to my getting up and doing something more quickly. Being kind to myself didn’t mean I stayed in bed longer, just that I was more gentle in how I got myself out of bed.
In fact, writing today’s tip is an example of my being kind to myself - because I know I’d feel even worse if I didn’t! This is what my friend and colleague Michele Lisenbury Christensen calls "Snake Belly Productivity".
On those days where you feel "lower than a snake’s belly", rather than attempting to steamroller over your mood as if it were ‘business as usual’, or giving in to the doldrums and doing nothing but channel surf while lying in bed, strip your day down to the bare essentials:
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